Darin' Erin: Wild Vortex

4:18 PM, Jun 14, 2012   |    comments
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So...I love wearing a bathing suit. That my friends is a little fib, OK a HUGE one.

Needless to say, when we get water dares I would rather put a pen in my neck. That being said Photographer JJ and I got our board shorts out and headed to Wilderness at the Smokies.

I have been here before...but the dare was a little lower and it did include water -- surfing. Much more my speed.

Anywho, we found our way and met up with my "friends" Ryan and Erin. I noticed that neither one of them had on a bathing suit. sigh.

We met w ith our Senior lifeguard MJ, who promtedly scared me to death. Really? How many feet do you drop? How fast will I be going? I was hoping to run right then.

Alas we climbed up ALL the stairs. I was lucky there was a line of kids so I was off the hook for a few minutes. I'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing in the end. Hello! I can hear their death curdling screams as the floor drops out from under them and they go into a freefall!

Yes, I just said all of  that.

Yet here I still stand waiting.

Of course now the kids have caught on that the "lady" is going to go down the tube. My newest friend Bryce was nice enough to offer to let me go after informing me it was ok he had already been 7 times and "it's cool."

Well if an "cool" kids like B can do it then I can too. Right?

Step right up...now mind you Ryan, MJ and Bryce are all smiling the elder ones laughing inside.  Bryce is just happy to have made a new friend.

Then they shut the door.

Oh dear, there is no turning back. Then the nice English lady voice counts you down to your fall of death with a calm 3-2-1 floor opens, Erin screams like a small child fearing for her life.

Then it happens. I start going backwards. What? Yep I didn't make it up to the top of the "ride" so I got out at one of the escape chambers. (or something like that)

This is when one of the engineers said, "you need to take off your shirt." I informed him that I was wearing it for the safety of the viewers.

So, back up to the top we go. Oh look there's Bryce who screams, "C'MON ERINNNNNN!"

Into the tube and then another blood curdling scream out of me as I fall down. Then it happens, again. I get up to the curve... and backwards.. this time of course Photographer JJ is right above the hatch and gets me flying by right zooooom... then left...zoooooom then right...I'm like a water pendulum.


Annndd we're done. It's a failed launch people. I decided after three tries and my stomach still sitting in my throat that I was done.

Of course my friend Bryce came over and asked why I didn't take my shirt off, "Do you have a bad sunburn?" I said yes, then I told him I couldn't lie to him because we were new buds. I said, "sometimes on TV you look a little bigger than you really are, and Bryce there is NO WAY I'm letting everyone see my bathing suit." Honestly Bryce said, "that's cool maybe next time when there's no camera you'll make it." With a tear in my eye and a rash on my shoulder, I bid the little guy adeiu and off I went into the sunset.

Oh jeez that was a fib too...it was like 95 degrees outside.



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