One in Six | Christine's Journey

Me and Gregory [her husband] got married at 2017, and we did want children. 

But we waited a little bit, six, seven months or something like that and went to have children. But within our first year I was noticing I wasn't pregnant. So I made an appointment with my doctor. 

And then my doctor started me on Clomid. So, once a month, I would have to take four or five days and I started on the low dosage. 

And then, as the months go by and I wasn't getting pregnant, they would increase the dosage on the Clomid, and then I would take the ovulation shots. 

So, of course, we're timing everything in the days like that. And then I would go in and do blood work. 

We went through that, and then we stopped for a little bit. And then I finally got enough courage to say, OK, Greg, let's call the doctor.  

And I was kind of hoping he was like going to start coming again and not tell me I need an infertility doctor. 

But he was like, I want me to treat you anymore.  You have to go to a specialist. 

And like...I blew up. Because I think that's the point where I realized, like, this is really happening. This is really your story. This is really your journey that you're going to have to face. 

That's when I started my YouTube documentary. 

I guess I'm a natural journalist. I write quite often just to get my emotions out. But then I wanted to start a YouTube channel to talk it out. 

Then when I have a little Baby Richmond. They can hope how special they are. And how we just journeyed through it, how we waited and had hope.

Page One was probably the day or probably the week that I called Nashville Infertility Center and started my journey. 

I felt alone before I started the YouTube channel. As soon as I started the YouTube and people were able to understand my emotions, or understand what it was like to go through infertility the less alone I felt. So it was a turnaround for me.

I say often in the YouTube...[infertility] is the silent suffer. 

At first I felt shame and embarrassment that I wouldn't be able to give my husband a child. After, I started telling people what I was going through and helping others I felt better. 

That's the beauty about it...you can help others.

I think that's what gives me hope throughout the journey too. When I see people say, thank you for sharing their story. 

I cried that day. I kind of was frustrated about begging people for money or having to fundraise to have a baby.  And I was kind of emotional about school and being remote.

So when we sat there and I was already full of emotions, I sort of got my face together before I went on ZOOM.

It's like, OK, I need to get my emotions balanced, because I felt that emotion of not winning a grant before and I did not want to feel it. Right? So I was like, just keep that hope in balance just in case. 

I didn't win it. 

My husband's brothers wife won it, but she transferred it to me.

The only thing I could say is thank you....and thank you would never be enough of it.

It would never be enough to explain my gratitude of winning a free IVF round. 

Just the possibility, just the chance to have a little Baby Richmond. It blew my mind.

I know how hundreds of women felt that night that their name wasn't called. It broke my heart and it mended my heart at the same time, if that's a thing.

There is a special place Christine Richmond goes to give her heart a reprieve in the midst of a years long infertility battle.   

It's is a room in her home… coated in layers of gentle gray paint. 

Against one of the walls, there is a baby crib. For Christine, what the room represents brings an immense peace. 

This is...this is like my room of peace. And just, I'm a faith girl. Any time I walk in here it just brings me hope just to look at...sometimes I even imagine having two babies in a crib. It's all I can do is just close my eyes and envision two little babies reaching out for me in a crib. 

At first when it was empty, I would  just come in on my hands and knees. And just...scream out to God. That's all I could do. Sometimes even my husband said he couldn't even understand my emotions. So I just have to believe there is a God who understands my emotions. 

When Greg put up the crib, it hit. It was just put up a couple days ago. 

Now that I have this crib...I have it painted I have a theme. I have something to look at and look forward to. It just brings me a lot of hope. 

Sometimes its a relief for me. Sometimes I come in here and just cry. It's so much weight to handle, just hoping and wishing and praying. 

In the back of my mind, every day I'm thinking about $20,000 to $30,000, where is that going to come from? 

And, as a teacher, how is it fair that I can raise everyone else's children but no support to have my own children? So it's emotional every single morning. 

We did blood work for IVF last week, so they're looking at our report to see if there's anything that I have to address before going through it

And then I just emailed one of the nurses and they're going to line up for a class, hopefully next month. But that class is filling up. So hopefully we'll get in the class next month. 

Hopefully we'll get started with the shots and the procedures by March. 

One in Six is a series of stories which sheds light on how lack of mandated insurance for fertility treatments is costing Tennesseans. 

This interview has been transcribed and edited for clarity by Madison Stacey.

RELATED: One in Six: Couples open up about the true cost of infertility