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For Better, Not Worse: What we can learn from pop culture

There are so many things, good and bad, that we can learn about relationships from pop culture. Here are some positive examples.

Pop culture can show the best and worst of relationships. 

Here are some concepts brought to life in different TV shows that you can learn from and apply to your own lives.

Understandable reasons

"And I don't expect you to say it back to me right now. Say it when you're ready. It just felt right to me in the moment."

There are different indicators of relationship problems, and one of them is contempt, according to Patricia Roberson, assistant professor in the UT College of Nursing and host of the podcast Attached. 

Roberson said contempt is when people talk to their partner in a rude way, treat them with disrespect, mock them with sarcasm or call them names. The purpose is to make the person feel less than, she said.

It can be difficult to say "I love you" for the first time, especially when you know you might not get the same words in return. But on "Schitt's Creek," Patrick Brewer said it to David Rose, even though he knows David has only said those words to his parents two times and once at a Mariah Carey concert.

Patrick could have responded with contempt when David wasn't ready to say "I love you" back to Patrick, according to Roberson. Instead of getting angry or calling names, Patrick understood because he knew his partner.

When you don't like something that happens, try to understand why your partner did something rather than criticizing the behavior, Roberson said.

Credit: Netflix

Repair attempts

"I know this was really weird and really hard but I think we're making progress. So I'm really sorry that I have to go but let's keep at this. Ok? Ok."

In arguments or disagreements between couples, there are often attempts from one or both partners to calm the situation down. Roberson said these are called repair attempts. 

Jim and Pam Halpert's marriage was tumultuous during Season 9 of "The Office." They were so unhappy they sought advice from couples counseling. In one episode, as Jim left work for the day, he made a repair attempt with Pam, saying he thinks what they've been doing is starting to help.

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Sometimes, people miss or misinterpret these attempts, Roberson said. Pam initially did, but she runs outside to bring Jim an umbrella and they eventually come together in a hug.

If you're fighting with your significant other, be sure to make repair attempts and also keep an eye out for your partner's repair attempts since you can easily miss them, she said.

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Capitalization

"A while ago I applied to veterinary school in Bloomington and I just found out that I got in." 

"You did? That's amazing! Why did you wait to tell me?"

There are many ways to be a supportive partner. Roberson said capitalization is an easy method that we sometimes neglect.

It's responding to good news with genuine excitement, she said. You might also ask questions to better understand the information.

"In our busy society, it's so easy to just zoom right past times when partners tell you good news," she said.

When April Ludgate told Andy Dwyer she was accepted to veterinary school in "Parks and Recreation," he shows excitement and asks why she waited to tell him.

While this does sound really simple, capitalization has benefits across the relationship. Roberson said the person telling the good news experiences positive feelings again in the retelling, the person hearing the news feels a proxy euphoria for hearing it and the relationship benefits because this strengthens their bond.

The example is in the following video from 0:30 to 1:07.

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Love for a lifetime

"I was missing you so I took out the letters because reading them made me feel like you were still here with me."

Long-term marriages can have just as much romance as newlyweds, even if it's not typically shown in TV and movies, according to Roberson.

"Older couples tend to be portrayed as grouchy and not in love with each other, but we just know that's not the case," Roberson said.

Johnny and Moira Rose on "Schitt's Creek" are a couple who have been married for a long time, and they continue to be supportive partners, she said.

One example of their relationship - Johnny pulled out and read love letters Moira wrote to him many years ago because she was away filming a movie.

Credit: Netflix

Roberson said she wants everybody to know that passionate love has no age limit. She said it can continue through the years, and couples need to remember to openly communicate and keep having positive interactions.

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